


The Battle Within

by Traycer



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Gen, Goa'uld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-26
Updated: 2011-08-25
Packaged: 2017-10-23 02:05:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/245035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traycer/pseuds/Traycer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young girl is taken as a host and Jack deals with the aftermath when he helps her escape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She heard them before she saw them and hope sprang up in her heart – she had to hang on just a little longer. She knew that this was her last chance, the beast within her was getting stronger with every new dawn, and she knew that she would soon lose the battle she was waging with it.

Her footsteps were loud as she ran toward the people near the Chappa’ai, but she didn’t care. This was what she wanted and she propelled herself forward even as she heard the angry whispers in her mind. The beast was young, too young to be able to take full control over her body, but she knew that it wouldn’t be long before she was a complete slave to it. The whispers continued, demanding, pleading, struggling to take control, but she fought it with all her might.

Her flight took her within a short distance from the Chappa’ai, and she almost cried with relief when the people who had come through it turned on her with their weapons. “You must help me,” she said, as she held her hand out to the man standing in front, his weapon aimed at her heart. “Please!”

“What’s wrong?” the man asked, his eyes taking in her appearance. She knew that what he was seeing was a young woman dressed in a dirty, torn shirt and long pants, her hair disheveled. She had been working alongside her mother, tending to the garden, when the Jaffa showed up, intent on taking what they thought was rightfully theirs to take, hosts for their gods.

She was chosen despite her mother’s efforts of hiding her and she was dragged off through the dirt, kicking and screaming, to join the others who had been chosen.

“Help me,” she said again. The beast was angry, fighting for control and she despaired when it won. She was a prisoner again. Her heart sped up, though, when the strangers brought their weapons back up. They knew they were facing the enemy. She wondered how they knew the beast had taken over, but then remembered that the eyes of the host glowed when a Goa’uld was in control. She couldn’t help the feeling of elation that flowed through her, as she realized that the Goa’uld was going to accomplish exactly what she had hoped for – death by the strangers.

The beast had different ideas though and called out to the one member of the group that would help it. “Jaffa!” she heard her own voice say. “Kree! Why do these slaves have weapons? You will take their weapons and accompany me back to join with the others.” The Jaffa did not reply nor did he lower his weapon. “Jaffa!” the beast shouted, forcing her to move forward.

‘You will not win,’ she told the beast, her words echoing in her mind, bouncing off of the words the beast snarled back at her. ‘They will kill us,’ she added. ‘You will see.’

“Jaffa!” the beast screamed out again, refusing to give up. The Jaffa reacted by engaging his staff weapon, which was still aimed at her. “Shol’vah!” the beast snarled.

“Stay back!” the man who appeared to be the leader of the group yelled out.

“We come in peace,” said another man in the group who had moved to stand next to the leader. “To whom are we speaking?”

“Daniel,” the leader said, as if warning the other man.

“You will bow before me,” demanded the beast, completely ignoring the banter between the two slaves, although it did stop moving forward. “I am your God!”

“Not in this lifetime,” said the leader sardonically.

“You are a false god,” the Jaffa said as he stared at her. She knew what she had to do, but the beast would not give in to her demands. The beast was strong, but it was still young, too young to hold control for long. All she had to do was wait for it to either get them killed or give control back to her so that she could make sure they killed her. She was determined that she would not be a slave and a prisoner to the beast.

“You will obey me!” the beast shouted. It was weakening; she could feel it, and she rejoiced as she realized that it wouldn’t be long before she would have control again.

The Shol’vah continued to aim his weapon at her and she wondered what it was she needed to do to make him shoot her. The beast snarled at her as she harbored these thoughts, but she didn’t listen to it. Instead she continued to think about a course of action to achieve her needs; she needed to convince the strangers to kill her. It was the only way.

The beast, however, had come up with a plan of its own and forced her to turn and run away from the strangers. She was helpless to stop it and she began to despair even as she consciously tried to take control of her actions again. She didn’t have to struggle for too long though, as the beast suddenly released its control, giving her the freedom to choose her own destiny, if only for the moment.

She turned abruptly and ran back toward the strangers, stopping only long enough to pick up some rocks. Surely they would kill her if they thought she was trying to hurt them. She hurled one of the rocks at the leader when she came upon him, smiling when it hit him in the shoulder. He yelled as his body jerked back, but had gained his footing and aimed his weapon at her in a heartbeat. She pulled her arm back to throw another rock when the fourth person in the group tackled her from the left. “No!” she screamed, as she struggled to get away from the woman who held her down. “You must kill me!”

The woman heard her, but she continued to hold onto her until the Jaffa came and aimed his staff weapon at her head. “Kill me!” she demanded, “The beast will take over and I will soon become a complete slave to it. Kill me!”

“What beast?” the leader asked, as he came over and pulled her from the woman’s grasp.

“I think she means the Goa’uld, Jack,” said the man who had tried to reason with the beast earlier. “It must not be strong enough to hold total control over her.”

“Like what happened to Kawalski?” the leader asked, as he stared at her.

“It must be an infant symbiote,” the Jaffa said, still aiming the primed staff weapon at her. “It appears to have limited control over the host.”

“Ya think?” the leader said.

“Sir,” said the woman who had tackled her earlier. “May I?” The leader nodded and the woman continued, “My name is Sam,” she said, pointing at herself, “And this is Daniel, Colonel O’Neill and Teal’c. What’s your name?”

“I am called Nalia,” she told Sam, as she ignored the angry whispers of the beast. The dire warnings the beast threatened her with meant nothing to her, she didn’t plan to be around long enough for the beast to do anything.

“Hello Nalia,” the one called Daniel said with a smile. He held his hand out to her in a gesture of friendship, but she didn’t want their friendship. She wanted death, and she was determined she would get it.

She still had a rock in her hand and she savored the smoothness of it before suddenly drawing back her arm and throwing it at the nearest person, who happened to be Daniel. He saw it coming and ducked to avoid it. She screamed in rage and resorted to running at him, fully intending to hurt him or anyone else who got in her way. She needed them to kill her. Why wouldn’t they shoot her?

Daniel took a step back, and she was lifted off the ground when Jack put his arms around her waist to stop her attack. Her rage was fueled by desperation though, and she kicked and struggled with all her might, feeling a rush as she heard Jack grunt in pain when her heel connected with his shin.

He didn’t let her go though and her struggle continued with a renewed spurt of anger. Didn’t they understand? They were slaves just as she was, why wouldn’t they help her? “Please,” she begged, as the tears began to fall down her cheeks. “Please kill me before it gains enough strength to take over completely. Please!”

“We can help you,” Daniel said. He had come to stand in front of her, as Jack released his hold on her and she watched him warily, wishing she could believe him, knowing full well that she couldn’t. “We know some people who could help you.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It will win. They always win. Please!” The beast was angry, taunting her with words, promising triumph while writhing inside her neck to cause her pain in order to punish her. She tried to ignore the pain, but she knew the only way to get rid of a lifetime of pain and anguish was to destroy the very being that had taken up residence in her mind.

“We can help, I promise,” Daniel repeated. They weren’t going to help her, she could tell. She could understand the Jaffa’s reluctance, as he would not want to jeopardize his position with a future god, but the slaves should be happy to help her. They knew the life she was destined to live now that the Goa’uld had taken her as a host and she couldn’t understand their reluctance to do her bidding.

“How is it you were taken as a host by an infant Goa’uld?” the Jaffa asked, his weapon still pointed at her. This fact caused her to rethink the Jaffa’s position. He seemed to consider the others his equal and he did tell her beast that it was a false god. Perhaps the Jaffa would be the one to kill her.

“I was one of the people from my village that had been chosen to be a host,” she answered, her mind working on finding a solution to her problem. “We were being led away, but the men from the rebellion attacked in an effort to free us. The Jaffa who was holding my arm was killed and his symbiote took possession of my body to save its own life.” She stopped speaking for a moment, reliving the horror she felt when the symbiote burrowed its way into her neck. “The rebels are from my village,” she continued with a frown, as she remembered pleading with them to kill her. “They have known me all my life and wouldn’t honor my pleas. I begged them, but they wouldn’t help me.” The tears she cried now were from the pain of the betrayal of her so-called friends. She had gotten on her knees to beg, only to be looked upon with pity.

“You can come with us,” Sam said, her eyes filled with kindness and concern, but Nalia didn’t believe her. The Goa’uld had lived among them for centuries; no one had ever been saved from becoming a host. The beast confirmed this thought with its own conviction of her beliefs. She heard the beast’s urgent whispers and thoughts, she just chose to ignore them. She had her own ideas on how to win this battle within.

“You can not help me,” Nalia replied quietly. The beast seemed to be screaming at her to step back and let it take over, but she knew what that meant. Instead, she made the decision to act aggressively before the beast within her gained enough strength to take her away from her salvation.

She turned her attention to the Jaffa, feeling his hatred seeping into her. He would be the one to kill her, she decided, as she advanced on him. He was a Shol’vah, a Jaffa who had built his life serving his god only to turn on that god for whatever reasons. There must be a lot of hatred for the Goa’uld in the man for him to turn on his god.

The Jaffa stood his ground as she advanced on him, determination pushing her to keep on walking. “Stop,” he said, as he aimed his weapon at her again.

‘Stop’, the beast demanded, as it struggled harder to gain control, but Nalia kept moving, ignoring the pain in her head. She knew that it was only a matter of time before the beast was back in charge. Death was her only option.

“Stop,” Daniel said, as he grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She turned in his arms, grabbing at the weapon she had seen in the holster strapped to his leg.

“Daniel, watch out!” Jack shouted, as he aimed his own gun at her. She stared at him, as she stepped back from them all, then aimed and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened, but this didn’t stop her. She continued to back up from them, pressing on a lever that clicked, then aiming and pulling the trigger again, jumping a little when the weapon went off. The bullet barely missed Jack, but she really wasn’t out to kill him anyway, despite the beast’s urgings. She just wanted him to think she was.

“Put the gun down,” Jack said, as he and his friends aimed their own weapons at her. She just shook her head at him, as she backed up a few more steps. She couldn’t let them get near enough to take the gun away from her. She stopped moving and took careful aim at Jack, who was watching her warily. Why wouldn’t they shoot her?

“We can help you,” Jack promised. “Just put the gun down so that…” He didn’t get to finish his sentence because she pulled the trigger once more. She missed again, then smiled with determination as the beast snarled at her in anger. She would kill their leader. Surely they would retaliate if she killed their leader. She took careful aim and pulled the trigger one last time just as Jack pulled the trigger of his own weapon. She stared at him, as she felt the pain blossom in her chest, while the beast screamed in rage inside her head. She tried to convey her gratitude during the last few minutes of her life, but she couldn’t be sure if he knew.

“Thank you,” she whispered against the raging sounds ringing in her mind. Thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

He had to do it; he tried to reason with himself. The kid was determined to kill him. Jack O’Neill stared at the body of the child that he’d just killed, trying to deal with the horror of what he’d done. He stared at the body as Teal’c went up to the girl and nudged her with his foot to see if there was any life in her. Jack knew there wasn’t. Too many years of shooting to kill had been ingrained in him and he knew with a certainty the girl was dead.

“Sir? Are you okay?” Carter asked, as she came over to stand next to him. He looked over at her, not letting her see the disgust and guilt he was dealing with.

“Yep,” he responded quietly. “She got what she wanted.” At his expense, Jack thought angrily. She was so young; she couldn’t have been more than 17 years old. He remembered the look in her eyes just before she died, gratitude and acceptance shining through the gray depths. She had her whole life ahead of her, one without a snake in her head, because there was a possibility that they could have helped her. Too bad she wouldn’t believe them.

He turned to scan the area, stopping when he noticed Daniel, who was standing over the girl with his gun in his hands. “Daniel,” he said. Daniel turned to him with a look of utter sadness on his face. “Let’s go,” Jack added gruffly, suddenly wanting to get as far away from the place as he could.

“I’m sorry Jack,” Daniel said, holding his gun up as a testimony to his own guilt. “I shouldn’t have let her get my gun.”

“Not your fault Daniel,” Jack responded.

“She could have killed you,” Daniel insisted, not letting go of his share of the pain. “I’m sorry.”

“Forget it,” Jack insisted. “She said that there are Jaffa hanging around. We need to get out of here before they find us.” With that said, he turned his attention back toward the trees, automatically scanning for the presence of enemy troops.

“We can’t just leave her here,” Daniel said heatedly.

“What, you want we should take her with us?” Jack asked exasperatedly. Daniel could be so contrary when it came to things like this. “She’s dead, Daniel.”

“O’Neill!” Teal’c called out. Jack turned to look at his friend to see what had alarmed him, then brought his gun up to aim it at the two men who were walking toward them from the edge of the clearing.

The men continued to advance toward them, while one of them held out his hands in a non-threatening manner, obviously making a token gesture of friendship. Jack had learned long ago that it would be in his best interest to keep his suspicions intact, so he continued to aim his gun as they approached.

“We mean you no harm,” the man said. “We only came to thank you for helping Nalia and to take her home to her mother.”

“You know her?” Daniel asked.

“Yes,” the man replied with sadness. “Her father and I have known each other for many years, ever since we were children. I was with her parents as her mother struggled to give birth to her. We were horrified when she was chosen.”

“I’m sorry,” Daniel replied softly. Jack just stood there watching while Daniel did all of the talking. There wasn’t anything he could say to help ease the pain of the men who stood before him.

“Her fate had been decided the moment she had been chosen,” the other man finally spoke up. “We tried to save her, but we were too late.” He stared at Jack for a moment, then said, “I thank you for saving her from a lifetime of anguish and pain. We are grateful to you for doing something we were not strong enough to do.”

Jack found that he didn’t have a response to the man’s words of gratitude. They were thanking him for killing a young girl! It was hard for him to justify, even as he thought about the snake that had fought for dominance inside her head.

“I am Kaldan and this is Ranos,” said the man who had first approached them. “We have been fighting for freedom for many years. We were able to save the others who had been chosen, but the Jaffa who held Nalia had been killed and his symbiote took refuge inside her. She got away and begged us to kill her, but we couldn’t. She was the daughter of my best friend. I helped bring her into the world. I couldn’t be the one to take her out of it.”

“Are the Jaffa still around?” Jack asked, wanting to know if he was in danger of getting caught up in an attack.

“There were a few who survived the attack,” Ranos answered, “But they have followed the others who are leading them away from the route Nalia took. We didn’t want them to find her.”

“Are you sure that a few didn’t try to follow Nalia?” Jack asked, unease rifling through his mind. He knew better than to think things were ever this easy.

“Yes,” Kaldan responded with conviction. “We made sure of that.”

Jack didn’t know whether he should believe them or not, but it didn’t hurt to be on the lookout anyway. “We are going back through the Gate,” he continued warily. “Daniel, go activate the Stargate.”

“We will see that Nalia is taken back to her family,” Kaldan said. “Thank you again.”

Anger settled in as Jack stared at the men. If they thanked him one more time… He sighed as he turned his attention toward the Stargate, watching as the event horizon billowed out toward them. He was going to be dealing with this for a long time to come.

*******************************

“She just came at us and I shot her,” Jack told General Hammond during the debriefing. He couldn’t keep the sorrow out of his voice as he told his story. Even though he truly believed he had done the right thing, he had still killed a child who couldn’t have been more than 17 years old.

“You didn’t have a choice sir,” Carter said, trying to reach him through her own doubts. “She would have killed one of us.”

Jack didn’t respond. He couldn’t speak over the lump that had developed and lodged in his throat. He stared at a spot on the table instead. His heart was heavy in his chest, pulling him down into a sadness that had nothing to do with the feelings of inadequacy racing through him. He had killed another child.

“Sir?” Carter said, still trying to get through to him. “Please don’t do this.”

That got Jack’s attention. “Do what Major?” he snarled at her, watching in surprise when she flinched at his tone. Something else to feel guilty about, he thought with a spurt of anger.

“Colonel,” Hammond broke in, his own tone showing his impatience at the whole situation. “I’d like to know exactly what happened out there.”

“A young girl came up to us and did her best to get us to kill her sir,” Jack said, still staring at the table. “So I did.” No use trying to sugar coat it, he had pulled that trigger after all.

“That’s it?” Hammond asked. “Why did she want you to kill her?”

“She had been taken as a host by an infant Goa’uld and she would rather die than to live her life as a slave,” Daniel spoke up. “As much as I hate to say this, you did her a service Jack.”

“I killed a kid Daniel,” Jack shouted, causing everyone but Teal’c to jump. “Another innocent kid. If you think…,” he stopped, shocked to the core that he had said that out loud. He stood up suddenly, fully intending to run out of the room, to get away from the accusations and the false sentiments, to run from himself. He knew from experience what he could do to himself over what he’d done.

Hammond had other ideas though; “Sit down Colonel,” he demanded. Jack could only stare at his commanding officer, the desire to leave them all sitting there warring with the soldier who knew better than to disobey a direct order. God, he thought as he forced himself to sit down, would it never end?

He went back to staring at the table, tracing random shapes with his fingertips while refusing to look at his teammates or the General. “Colonel O’Neill,” Hammond said quietly, apparently realizing what Jack was going through. “We need to address this. What happened out there?”

“I’ve already told you sir,” Jack said with a respectful tone. “She wanted us to kill her, so I did.” What did he want? A full-blown step-by-step, word-for-word rendition of what went down? Jack knew that was exactly what the General wanted, he just couldn’t wrap his mind around anything but the look on the girl’s face when the bullet from his gun pierced her chest. He didn’t think he could ever get past that. The look had reinforced his belief that he had done the right thing, but it was the innocence in her eyes that dragged up the self-doubts he was dealing with.

“Jack,” Hammond said, causing Jack to abandon his efforts of burning a hole into the table with his gaze. The General only called him by his given name when he needed to get through to him. “Drop the attitude and tell me what went down on that planet.”

Jack knew that there was no way around this, so he took a deep breath and exhaled the air forcibly from his lungs, then began his spiel. He didn’t even bother thinking about what he was saying; he just spoke the words almost as if he was reading from a boring book. The words spilled out in a monotone voice, matching the look on his face, which was void of all emotions. He told the General of arriving on the planet, of the girl running up to meet them, begging for help, then of how the snake reared its ugly head to demand a safe haven. He spoke of SG-1’s attempt to reason with both the girl and the Goa’uld, then finally of the girl’s attack when the Goa’uld weakened. He faltered when he got to the part where the girl had grabbed Daniel’s gun, prompting Jack to shoot her to keep her from killing one of them. He didn’t bother telling the others that part of the reason he killed her was that he could relate to her fears of being dominated by an entity that she never wanted to know in the first place.

No one said anything when he finally stopped talking. Jack didn’t even care at that point. He just wanted out of there, so that he could find someplace quiet in order to deal with this. He needed to be alone, he craved it, but knew it would be several hours, maybe days before he’d be able to get away.

“It would seem that you had no choice,” Hammond finally spoke up. “You did the right thing, Colonel.”

“Yes sir,” Jack said, wishing he could get rid of the doubts that had moved in. Hammond must have read the words correctly because he sighed, then turned to the other members of SG-1 to get their take on what had gone down. Jack sat through the rest of the debriefing, choosing to tune out the others and to ruminate on his own feelings and guilt.

Sometimes being a soldier really sucked! A child often got in the way during a war or in a battlefield situation and it was hard to justify their death, no matter what was done to avoid it. He had seen several children die throughout the years when he was involved in black ops. It happened whether he wanted it to or not, why was this one so hard to deal with? Hell, they were all hard to deal with; this one just hit him square in the face.

The girl had wanted death, had chosen suicide over life as a slave to a Goa’uld. He should be glad that she was free, but he couldn’t get over the look of triumph mixed with sadness in her face. And he had seen the sadness. She was so young, had her whole life to live and he had granted her the means in which to end it, not to mention the fact that he had effectively destroyed her dreams and her goals.

The Goa’uld had already done that, he reminded himself. The girl had already been robbed of living her life the way she had wanted to, but Jack still wished things could have been different. He sighed and got up from his seat to stand by the window and stare out at the Stargate, remembering the time Hathor held a mature symbiote up to his face, telling him the symbiote had chosen him for its new host. He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck and touched the tiny scar that was the only physical reminder of the symbiote’s entrance into his mind.

He shuddered, as he remembered the hatred and the helplessness he felt at the injustice of that intrusion. The snake’s gloating whispers as it wriggled its way into Jack’s neck, searching for the perfect position to take complete control, seemed to be magnified in Jack’s mind. It hadn’t been able to blend with Jack, thanks to the Tok’ra operative who had effectively killed the Goa’uld, but Jack still carried around the memories and the nightmares of the snake’s taunting words, as it made itself comfortable inside his head.

It had been this memory that was running through his mind when he pulled the trigger, ending the girl’s struggle, helping her to win the battle within. He knew from personal experience her desperation and her fear – he had to help her. Just as the Tok’ra operative had helped him. The only difference was that he was still alive, which is why he was dealing with this grief for a child he didn’t even know.

“Sir?” Carter said, as she came up to stand next to him. “I apologize if I’ve upset you.”

“I’m fine Carter, thanks,” Jack responded, giving her a half smile. “It was just hard to watch someone so young desperately trying to kill herself.”

“The Tok’ra have not perfected the procedure of safely removing a symbiote from a host,” Teal’c said, having come up to join Carter in getting past the depression settling in around Jack. “She may have died anyway, but it is more likely that she would have ended up in the control of the Goa’uld.”

Jack could only nod at that. “I know Teal’c. That’s why I helped her.”

“You ‘helped’ her?” Daniel said, joining in on the conversation. “I take it that there are no regrets?”

“There are plenty of regrets, Daniel,” Jack responded, looking around to see if Hammond was going to join them. The General was nowhere in sight, which meant Jack had missed out on the entire meeting as he stood pondering his actions on that planet.

“He dismissed us a few minutes ago,” Daniel said with a smirk. “You should be glad that he is an understanding General. Most Generals wouldn’t appreciate being ignored.”

“I didn’t ignore him… I just… Did I?”

“You did,” Daniel answered, his smirk turning into a sympathetic look. “You want to talk about it?”

“Nope,” Jack responded. “I’ll work it out. I just need some time.”

“I believe that you’ve already come to a conclusion regarding this,” Teal’c said, a small smile was the only indication that Teal’c was relieved to know this.

“Yeah,” Jack replied. And he had. The girl’s triumphant look had mirrored Jack’s thoughts when it came to putting an end to another Goa’uld. All he had to do was reconcile his guilt for being responsible for the death of another child. He could do this, given enough time. Time heals all wounds, he thought as he nodded at his friends. Well, almost all of them.

“Did the General say anything about us getting out of here?” he asked, hoping for a change of scenery.

“If you had been listening, the General did say we could take the rest of the day off,” Carter admitted. “But I did want to break down that generator we salvaged from…”

“Carter,” Jack threatened.

She stopped and looked at him with surprise before she smiled at him and said, “The rest of the day off. Yes sir. Sounds like a good plan.”

“That’s better,” Jack said. His friends had taken the hint and left the topic of his guilt alone for a while, although knowing Daniel, it would come up again. Jack would deal with it at that point, throwing out little tidbits for them to digest before turning the tide of the conversation toward something else. He had become a master at this subterfuge over the years, and he used it whenever he needed to.

They debated their options of what they were going to do with the rest of their afternoon. Jack stopped long enough to take one last look out the window at the Stargate, saying a silent farewell to the girl who would haunt his thoughts and dreams for a long time to come. War always seemed to take a lot out of the participants, for Nalia it had been her life. For Jack O’Neill, it had taken another piece of his soul. It was a sacrifice he would willingly give again, if the opportunity arose. If it would bring a child the peace she so desperately wanted, he would gladly do what he could to help. He owed that to himself.


End file.
